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     The 
    Cheeky Blighter!
    
    
     I wonder if eighteen months seems like a long time 
    to a monkey.  A monkey or two in particular must have had delicious 
    dreams of easily-snatched toast and tasty corn muffins while I was back 
    home.  One of them sat a few feet behind me at breakfast my second 
    morning here at Flatdogs Camp eyeing me and hoping those toast memories were 
    about to be relived in reality.  I was too wary for him that day, but 
    I’m sure he’s just biding his time.  Little does he know that I’m not 
    the shrinking violet of yesteryear, but “Doc Diane,” intrepid heroine of 
    fact and fiction.  
    I arrived back in Zambia to a rousing, 
    surprise greeting from Bill’s sister, Ginnie, and her overland truck tour 
    mates holding up letters that spelled “Welcome Diane” as I made my somewhat 
    bleary way into Mfuwe “International” Airport.  I saw Ginnie for a mere 
    five minutes before she was whisked off for more adventure down the road 
    towards Lusaka and Victoria Falls and beyond.  The local staff of 
    Flatdogs and the expats in the Valley have all welcomed me back warmly, and 
    I’m settling back in to life in this wonderful place (I have yet to dance on 
    the bar Friday nights, but my tenure here is still young). 
    
    My little thatch-roofed “doctor’s house” 
    is neat and tidy, if not the fanciest abode, and little-the-worse for the 
    remarkable flood that flowed water five-feet deep right through the place in 
    February.  With much hard labor of sweeping out the residual mud and 
    crocodiles, the place looks even better than before.  The cobra-sized 
    holes in the walls and tears in the screens were even repaired in honor of 
    my arrival (the cobras themselves have retreated to the septic tank). 
    
    
      
        
        
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        | Home sweet hovel. | 
       
     
    I have, of necessity, quickly reverted to 
    peering around corners and observing the toilet water with care remembering 
    well the elephant “hiding” in front of my house and the stories of cobras in 
    the toilet bowl.  I am sleeping ever so snugly this time with nary a 
    worry of baboon spiders or other undesirable creepies in my lovely REI Bug 
    Hut.  How I wish I had known about this invention on my last visit, but 
    then, I suppose my stories of stomping around at 2 am wearing nothing but my 
    hiking boots as I tracked the elusive baboon spider who wanted to snuggle 
    with me in bed -- well the stories would have been much tamer.  The Bug 
    Hut, for those non-aficionados among you, is a tent made of no-see-um 
    netting with a nylon floor.  It fits almost perfectly on top of my bed 
    inside the hanging mosquito net.  Every night I happily zip myself in 
    to bug and varmint-free slumber.  My house men think me a bit nutty, 
    but I’m willing to suffer their bemusement for a terror-free night’s rest! 
     
    
    But I have no worries that my Bug Hut has 
    spoiled my chance for good stories.  My second morning here, my 
    houseman came to my window at six am saying, “Doctor come see the lions!”  
    Several of them had been very noisily exchanging calls all night which I 
    must admit lost its romance about 2 am.  So I started to follow Davis 
    who was walking down the road to the manager’s house, and after a few steps 
    I thought (synapses slowly reviving from slumber) that I wasn’t ready for my 
    date with natural selection and hopped in my truck.  Sure enough, just 
    fifty yards or so off the manager’s veranda two big male lions were lounging 
    in the grass.  A third was calling from behind us and getting closer -- 
    and closer.  When the third one sounded like he was just on the other 
    side of the wall, I decided it was time to put more structure between us.  
    I put my hand on the doorknob to the house -- locked!!  So I found 
    myself cowering in the corner behind the wall of the veranda and thinking 
    that I was perhaps about to die stupidly -- something I have always vowed to 
    avoid!  I peeked over the wall and saw the lion was still maybe forty 
    yards away with my unlocked truck in between us.  Realizing a cowardly 
    (or maybe just sensible) retreat was the better part of valor, I dashed for 
    the truck.  We all lived to tell about it -- not too bright really -- 
    and the house men especially should know better -- well I suppose I should 
    too.  Kind of an exciting way to start the day though! 
    
    
    
     After a start like that, my succeeding days have 
    seemed a little tame.  The Kakumbi Rural Health Center, where I spend 
    most of my days volunteering, has undergone a remarkable renovation 
    conceived and organized by my predecessor, Dr. Johnny Bell and his partner 
    Grant, a nuclear physicist-cum world-renowned expert in ancient 
    harpsichords.  In their six-month tenure, they managed to raise the 
    money, get the District office to agree to a plan and almost complete a 
    renovation, rebuilding and redesign of the clinic into a much more usable 
    and patient and staff-friendly place.  It seems a miracle almost.  
    
    The lovely new clinic is currently run by 
    a skeleton staff of a nurse, our new midwife, two pharmacy techs/translators 
    and the jack of all trades night watchman.  Since I left in December of 
    2005, the previous midwife died of AIDS and the clinic head left literally 
    in the dead of night in disgrace after being found having a hand (along with 
    her husband, also a clinical officer) in the clinic’s cash receipts while at 
    the same time making a handy sum off treated bed nets meant to be given out 
    for free.   
    
    In my few days here, I have already seen 
    more perplexing and distressingly ill patients than I might see in months in 
    the States.  On my second day, I saw a deathly thin, frail 
    eighteen-month-old weighing only thirteen pounds with severe breathing 
    problems.  Her mother presented me with the ARV cards for herself and 
    the baby which told me they both have HIV.  I looked into the baby’s 
    frightened brown eyes and at the fragile lines of her ribs tight against her 
    paper skin and knew that she will not live much longer.  Her name is 
    Gift.   
    
    
    
     Some 
    inroads have been made against AIDS’ devastation here.  I was heartened 
    to discover that our clinic now has HIV testing available, that the testing 
    is fairly readily accepted and that anti-HIV drugs (commonly called ARVs for 
    anti-retrovirals) are available to most, albeit only from the referral 
    hospital in Kamoto. Unfortunately, the rate of new cases continues to 
    increase. with 1 in 4 people in this area likely infected with HIV.  Most 
    days at the clinic we diagnose new patients with HIV suggesting the messages 
    for prevention have yet to take hold. So much remains to be done to stop 
    this horrifying epidemic. 
    
    As I decompress from a busy day at the 
    clinic a brilliant orange full moon is just rising above the acacia trees 
    telling me dinnertime is near and ending another lovely day in the Luangwa.  
    I think I’ll stretch out and let the crocodiles nibble my toes. 
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
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